i don't know

this is just so hard

too hard

too painful

i thought i can handle it at first but why in the end i end up the same?

dammit why so many people leaving

i just don't understand

why every single hello, should ends up by every single fucking goodbye?

i just really sad can't help myself tonight

:'(

{no title}

the pain of detachment.

bearable.

but still, really painful.

you can't forget the people who meant so much to you that fast, can you?

yea, when that guy moved,

from my side,

to a tiny little special place,

in my heart.

like everyone who's gone does.

i love you.

i still love you.

dammit.

We're Done.

I've never been expecting this.

I've never even once have thought that I have to write a post titled like that.

But I have to, because that's the truth. We're over. We're done.

I know that I've promised to stay, but ...

I'm sorry I can't do it anymore.

I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to face a condition where there's only you and that girl on one game room playing together for quite some time and I can't even came in because you two were talking about something so private about the girl and you didn't wanna make that girl feel uncomfortable because there's somebody else right there that gotta listening to what she had to say. I understood, but it was not okay. It somehow hurts.

I'm sorry that I guess I loved you too much that I couldn't stand the pictures of the girls other than me that you displayed on your chat account. It hurts.

I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to stay being okay and chill when you told me to go online because you've something to share with me while I was practicing for my school's charity night event, and when I got home at 10 p.m, exhausted and all, I went straight online without even showered first because you were my priority, and all you did was playing the game with me for several times and told me nothing. You even played it with your friends more than you played it with me. I remembered I tried so hard to understand you that time. And I did, but yeah once again .. it was not okay. It hurts.

I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to understand that you're going to a school that has no "Thank God It's Friday" so you cannot visit me as often, and for me, communications are not valid if it's not in real life. I'm sorry that phone calls, video calls, Skype, chat, and anything online was not enough for me. I'm sorry for putting my expectations way too high on you, and that the expectations became pressure at the end. Long Distance Relationship is hard, we both have learned. Only strong people survived through that. Maybe you are, but ...

I'm sorry, I'm just a girl.

But despite all that stuffs, I want to thank you, for staying with me through the ups and downs of our relationships for those 4 years. Thank you for the memories! It was wonderful with all of the imperfections. Now, we have our own paths. Let's do our best on them.

See you on top! :)